Issue 36: Spotlight on Technology
By Amdnarg Toh

Wifi the Wireless Poodle

I’m usually not the sort to make predictions or prognostications. I’ve neither the acumen nor the inclination to try to figure out any sort of “grand plan”, at least as far as technology is concerned. However, I’ve been known to comment on the obvious trend now and again. One such trend that I see is one in which some level of connectivity to the Internet is expected, no matter where one is geographically.

It’s a rare occasion that I’m left without connectivity of some sort. I’m one of those types that checks email religiously, even while on vacation. I’ve been known to sit outside the local library with my laptop, searching for the best position to sit so I can get a signal from their publicly available wireless internet connection. I’ve come to expect that I’ll have connectivity anywhere, at any time. In fact, I get a bit stressed when I know I’ll not be “connected”.

For this discussion, we will consider two types of network communications: wired, meaning you must be physically near enough to the access point to connect some sort of cable between it and your computing device, and wireless, meaning no wire is required, just a reasonable physical proximity to the access point, which varies depending on the location of the access point, speed of the connection, etc. Since ubiquitous by definition would preclude any sort of “wired” , the balance of this monologue will address the wireless type of connectivity. First, let’s go over the most common forms of wireless:

CDPD (Cellular Data Packet Delivery). An older data network used over cellular networks. Mostly defunct now, due to slow speeds, cost, and eventual availability of newer, faster, cheaper alternatives.

GPRS (General Packet Radio Service). Data specification for current cellular networks (GSM). This is the data network that currently provides data service (internet/web/etc) for US cellular phone users.

802.11 (WiFi). This is a set of standards developed by the IEEE, (nerdy types), that enable a standard way of doing wireless communications. This is the typical wireless connection that is available at public hot spots such as at coffee shops, restaurants, and airports. 802.11b, introduced in 1999, provides up to 11Mpbs data rate, and a range of 35 meters indoors. 802.11g, released in 2003, ups the data rate to 54Mbps, at the same range. 802.11n, due to be out in 2009, will extend both the data rate and the distance, (75Mbps and 70 meters respectively.)

Both CDPD and GPRS are true mobile services, meaning that they have increased range and can be used while actually in motion. They also have a significant installed base of access points, (towers), that make this a very viable candidate for ubiquitous access. Unfortunately there isn’t any real way for the public to do this grassroots style, since private companies own the network.

Wifi is the most viable candidate for ubiquitous stationary wireless access. With new standards coming up, range can be increased, and these access points can be installed cheaply and in a fairly widespread area. Once enough hotspots are active, one could conceivably move from spot to spot within the coverage range, and connect right up.

So if I’m waxing prophetic, I’d wager a good deal of my kids’ college fund on the fact that within five years, wireless connectivity will become so widespread that it will be the norm, not the exception. Here are my reasons for being so sure of this:

Cellular phones are cheap and feature rich. If you consider that the two most used applications on cell phones now are voice and chat, you will find an interesting parallel with early uses of computers for multiuser functions.
Most laptop computers today come with built in WiFi cards. Price and demand have made this happen.
Businesses already provide free Wifi as a “perk” of doing business with them. I can sit at any Starbucks, Panera Bread, or McDonalds and check email, look for directions, or buy shoes on eBay.
Remember how bad cell phone coverage used to be? Dead spots? We’ve become so used to good mobile phone service that dead spots are the exception.

These alone are not direct proof that what I predict is actually happening, but they’re sure darned good indicators. Customer demand in a consumer based economy is a powerful force. All you really have to do is convince the majority that they can’t live without something, and you’ve won. Mobile devices, and the networks that support them will continue to evolve. This means more capable mobile computers, (read small, light, and powerful), and better wireless networks, (read cheap and fast.) Combine the two and you have the technical capability, and are just left with the development of the wireless network.

Mobile service providers AT&T, Alltel, etc. have already stepped up to the plate to provide high bandwidth Internet service. What needs to happen now is an increase in bandwidth and decrease in cost. As users are added, this will happen as a normal matter of course. Will cost ever be so low it’s virtually free? Maybe.

Initiatives to provide a publicly available, free WiFi network are in progress. The Municipal Wifi is one such example. Many cities want to use WiFi to provide public access for police, fire, ambulance, and utility use, and are making a portion of their networks available to the public for free. There are several grassroots organizations that provide free wireless routers to the public as long as they will allow their “hotspot” to remain open to the public, and will allow the organization to provide their location on a map of available hotspots. All that’s left is time, money, and inclination before WiFi coverage is as wide spread as cellular phone coverage. In fact, some mobile phone providers are trying to wrap their money grubbin’ hands around the WiFi market, and are providing widespread WiFi access for a fee. So when my Internet Service Provider, (AT&T), offered me a roaming WiFi subscription for $1.99 a month, I giggled with glee. I can now connect at most any airport, McDonalds, and many other public hot spots that aren’t free for the average Joe, but are now included in my basic service.

Most likely, the end solution will be some amalgam of both types of services. There are already phones on the market with WiFi built in, that take advantage of WiFi access when it’s available, which wouldn’t cost the user, and will use GPRS when WiFi isn’t available, which costs. Of course, for the open source hippie wanna-be in me, I’d like for WiFi to win the day, since it’s public and free…

Issue 36: Don't Bother Me, I'm Thinking
By Clancy Lass

They Might Be Midgets

All parents at one time or another are going to be subjected to the world of toddler television. It’s a painful, song-filled world of creepy adults dressed in horrifying costumes, singing dinosaurs, cross-dressing rapping grannies and baby-voiced animated four-year olds who can’t wipe their own bottoms. It’s awful.

I had decided before my son Philip was born I would not let him watch any television aside from Sesame Street, but a few months into my stay at home, I realized my entertainment value wasn’t as much as I had thought and my creativity was running dry. So, reluctantly, I turned on Disney.

We all know They Might Be Giants have contributed to the world of children’s music, and are responsible for the great theme song, “Boss of Me,” from Malcolm In The Middle. What I did not know is that they are slowly becoming a big name on the Disney circuit, creating theme songs for a few of the shows.

The mornings on Disney are reserved for infants and toddlers, full of mini-shows and programs filled with easy to understand, colorful, basic programs. They are fun and keep the attention of even the smallest child. In between programs, they show videos or shorts, and one morning in particular was the video for the wonderful nesting-doll show, Higglytown Heros. I’d heard of the show, but you can imagine my surprise when two familiar looking figures appeared as animated nesting dolls. There were the two Johns, one with a guitar, one with an accordion, singing their hearts out along with Ubi, Wayne, Twinkle, Kip and Fran. It’s hilarious, and the song is fantastic, as always.

But here’s the reason for writing this. As Philip has grown up, we have been getting involved in play groups, meeting to let the kids get energy out, develop interpersonal skills, and have fun playing with each other. Often, lunch is involved, which always means someone in the group is eating a hotdog cut into a thousand pieces. Thanks to TMBG, a hotdog isn’t just a hotdog anymore.

The geniuses at Disney hired TMBG to rejuvenate the Mickey Mouse theme song for their newish series The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. It’s a great computer animated series with Mickey and the gang using their Mouskatools to solve problems. The theme song includes the regular spelling out of Mickey’s name, but includes a fun contribution of Flansburg calling out in one of his fun voices “ROLL CALL!!!” and shouting out each name of the characters, Mickey, Goofy, Donald, etc.

The show ends with Mickey asking the kids to dance in celebration of solving the problems, and the song “Hot Dog!” begins. This is the best song ever, and now, wherever I go and children are there, all I have to do, (and yes, I’ve tested this many times…seriously, I have), is say “HOT DOG!” and a chorus of children begin to sing “Hot Dog, Hot Dog, Hot Diggity Dog, we’re splittin’ the scene, we’re full of beans! Get up, get out, the problem’s solved! Hot Dog, Hot Dog, Hot Diggity Dog!”

A new generation of TMBG fans is forming. And they don’t even know it.

Issue 36: Various and Sundry
By The Dude

Warning: Not For The Health Conscious

Connections. Life is all about connections. When we meet new people we try to connect, and then we try to stay connected. It is always interesting to be part of a new group of people. Maybe it is a new book club, maybe it is a church retreat, a business convention, or just two new neighbors on the lawn, but somehow conversation takes away the strangeness of strangers. (On a side note, staring at people only adds to your strangeness.) One topic that always seems to come up is television and what we watch. What we currently watch becomes what we used to watch, and then we are able to gauge how similar we are. Did they watch The Smurfs, The A-Team, and Mr. Rogers, or do they belong to a different generation?

What happens when they watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles instead of Speed Racer? They watched Howdy Doody and not Captain Kangaroo? I’ll tell you what happens.

You start talking about food.

We start to recognize a slight generational difference, and we need to bridge that gap. So we naturally discuss which cereal makes the best chocolate milk. If the difference is too big you will move on to politics or religion, but God forbid you have to discuss anything so grown-up. No, lets stick to the important philosophical issues.

So let me, The Dude, connect with you the reader in a way I can’t over on the Superhero Information Initiative front. Since you will have gotten an idea of my age by a few of the shows I mentioned, and I have no idea were that leaves us generationally, I will skip right to cereal.

If you are watching Saturday morning cartoons now, or then, you know that there are some fine cereal options out there. I always had to decide between three areas of concern: taste, sugar, and milk. Taste and sugar are easy: the obvious choice for taste would be Applejacks, and the search for sugar would lead you to Lucky Charms.

Milk is a more important choice than you may realize. I am not talking about the milk you put in, but the milk you drink out. Do you want chocolate milk at the end, and how chocolaty? Do you want milk that almost just tastes like milk, or do you want a sugary sludge? With the best cereals you can get a great combination of all three. I still have yet to discover how to get a chocolaty, sugary sludge that works, though.

I will not argue with anyone over where the chocolatiest milk comes from. Hands down- Cocoa Pebbles. The best chocolate milk, (that with the best consistencies of chocolate and milk), comes from Cocoa Puffs, though. While I am an amateur connoisseur of cereals that turn your milk chocolaty, I will confess it is not my area of expertise.

I dedicated my childhood to discovering how to get the perfect amount of milk and sugar at the end of every bowl. I wanted such a thickness at the end that I would need a spoon to eat it and not drink it. What is running through your mind, reader? 10 bowls of Lucky Charms + 5 bowls of Frosted Flakes = sugary sludge. Wrong. Let me just tell you what cereal to use… Rice Krispies.

Does “Snap, Crackle, Pop” even have sugar in it? I don’t know. What I do know is you can add it. If you follow these simple instructions, (patent pending), then you will get the best sugar high ever. Pour a bowl of Rice Krispies almost to the rim. Next poor milk in until the cereal won’t stay in. Take your spoon and slowly dunk all the cereal into the milk. Once you have got a wet glaze over your cereal take a spoon full of sugar and sprinkle it across the top until gone. Now take your spoon, (use two spoons- one for eating, one for sugar), and eat just the top layer by scraping it up. Then reapply sugar to the next layer, and proceed like this until all the cereal is gone. It will probably take you about three bowls of cereal using the same milk, but I promise you will end up with the best sludge of milk you ever ate. I might mention just pouring sugar into your milk does not work as well. I don’t know why, it just doesn’t.

Let me share the perfect Saturday morning meal with you. You get up early and get a small plate of pecans, and sneak a few scoops of brown sugar. Excellent appetizer course, and no matter what you do you will get in trouble for the brown sugar. Clean the utensils and put them back, leave no trace in the brown sugar, but your mom will know. Next you move on to Rice Krispies, milk and sugar. At which point a parental figure will show up and demand you eat something healthy, so I suggest grapefruit. You can coat grapefruit in sugar, but I prefer brown sugar on mine. Either way the sugar is there. Last, you will need an air popper for some popcorn. Which will require you to melt real butter. I suggest enough butter to make your shriveled up popcorn float.

By now your cartoons will be over, and the sugar high will just be peaking. What to do? May I suggest that you run outside to play in your moon boots, tighty whities, and waving a cardboard gift wrapping tube yelling, “By the power of Greyskull.” It will make perfect sense by then, trust me.

Issue 36: Superhero Information Initiative
By The Rambler

Hero Of all Heroes

Flash: Barry Allen (1956-1985) First Appearance: Showcase #4 1956

Have you ever found yourself bored at work, overwhelmed with the sheer amount that you have to do? So what do you do? Crack open the tales of the icons you love so much. However, beware of the thunderstorm that may sneak up on you as you read your comic at work, for it may strike you with lightning and, if you are lucky, bathe you in chemicals from a nearby shelf, thus giving you super speed. Yes, my friends. While Barry Allen was slacking, reading Jay Garrick Comics, at the Police Lab in Central City, Missouri, he was struck and bathed. Once again, he discovers his powers by running late, and trying to catch a cab. Suddenly he passes the cab as if it isn’t even moving. Amazing!

So this blonde-hair, blue-eyed square becomes the quick-witted and cocky hero of justice. He creates a suit out of an expandable material that reacts with Oxygen to expand. This he keeps in the gold ring on his hand. So, quick costume change before a second passes, and voila – The Flash. Barry eventually started courting the News Reporter, (I don’t understand what it is with the News Lady, but it’s a recurring theme in comics), Iris West. They soon married and became an iconic couple.

Barry’s powers grew out of his determination to control his body. Not only could Barry run beyond the speed of light, but he could also vibrate his molecules – making it easy for him to pass through solid objects, or phase to other dimensions, (thus discovering Jay on Earth 2.) He also was a pioneer of time travel, creating the cosmic treadmill that was powered by his running.

Barry had developed a rogues’ gallery of petty crime. None were bent on world domination, but more on bank heists and thievery. These consisted of Captain Cold, Mirror Master, Captain Boomerang, The Pied Piper, Weather Wizard, etc. However, the most threatening was Eobard Thawne – descendant of Barry’s unknown twin who develops a science to make himself a speedster. He wears a yellow uniform, black circle, and red lightning.

Eobard – known as Prof. Zoom, constantly threatens Barry. Zoom kills his wife, Iris, and then tries to kill his next fiancée, Fiona Webb. But Barry, trying to stop him, accidentally grabs his neck and kills Zoom. He is then put on trial for murder, but acquitted. As the story goes, Barry travels to the 30th Century, finding Iris living there. They marry again and have twins.

Barry returns to the present to fight in the Crisis of the Anti-Monitor who is destroying the multiverse. He is imprisoned, but finds a way to the Anti-Monitor’s anti-matter canon. Running in reverse rotation of the cannon’s engine, Barry thwarts the weapon, destroying it. But he sacrifices himself, running so fast that he becomes pure kinetic energy. It is said that he becomes the lightning bolt that transformed him into the flash.

The death of Barry Allen is hailed as a noble death, for he has never returned from the other side. He may come from the future, or appear in the speed force, but never does he come back from his death. This is the constant reminder of the mortality of the hero. Once again, the hero is human. The hero is really just like us. Thus, Barry is the noblest of heroes, and the most humble.

Issue 36: Tournament of Villainy
By Rascal Stallion

Donkey Kong vs Syndrome

Name: Donkey Kong		Name: Syndrome aka Buddy Pine
Occupation: Pet Ape		Occupation: Super Villain
Origin: Donkey Kong video game		Origin: The Incredibles

Donkey Kong climbed to the top of the construction site and nervously looked around. Syndrome was hot on his trail but it appeared, for the moment at least, that he had lost him. Donkey was cautiously optimistic he had given Syndrome the slip but just to be safe he hid behind a stack of barrels.

The still air was suddenly split by the whooshing sound of Syndrome’s rocket boots. He sailed right over Kong, scanning the area but oblivious to the great ape hiding below. Kong saw his chance to strike and took it.

Donkey lifted one of the barrels over his head and flung it at Syndrome as he passed overhead. The barrel was a direct hit! The drum nailed Syndrome in the boots, completely destroying one and causing massive damage to the other.

The malfunctioning aero-boot began misfiring, sending Syndrome spiraling through the air and crashing into a steel girder, stunning him. The boot continued blasting and Syndrome was dragged along the wall and into another girder before finally being mashed into a corner. He began to regain his senses but he couldn’t reach the boot to unhook it.

Kong launched another barrel at his helpless target. This would be the finishing blow!

Syndrome used his utility gauntlet to fire a blast of zero-point energy at the incoming barrel and directed it into the sole malfunctioning boot. With the second boot now destroyed Syndrome stood and faced the anthropoid.

Kong looked in disbelief and launched another two barrels at Syndrome, but not before lighting them on fire first.

Syndrome was ready for the ape this time and captured the first barrel with another blast of zero point energy while jumping over the second. He redirected the barrel back at Kong and it crashed into him in a fiery blast.

Kong howled in fury as his fur was engulfed in flame. He attempted to stop, drop, and roll to extinguish the flames but the oil fire’s fury would not be so easily quenched. His opponent down, Syndrome retrieved a lollipop bomb from his gauntlet and threw it at the yowling ape. Syndrome retreated around a corner as the bomb exploded and sent pieces of monkey raining down on the street below.

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