Issue 48: Tournament of Villainy
By Rascal Stallion

Joker vs Darth Vader

Name: Joker		Name: Darth Vader
Occupation: Criminal	vs.	Occupation: Dark Lord of the Sith
Origin: Batman comic books		Origin: Star Wars

Darth Vader was grumpy. He was four hours into a ten-hour road trip and, thanks to Imperial cutbacks, he was forced to take the Greyhound. Vader’s legs ached as the seats were not made for someone of his size and a baby two rows back had been crying for the last four counties.

Seeking a reprieve of any kind, Vader pulled his iPod out of his pack. The Evil Genius Orchestra had soothed his anxiety so many times before and he hoped it would happen once more. However, when he inserted his earbuds he felt the strangest sensation. The first thing he noticed was his ears felt wet. Almost immediately he detected a warmth in his ears. The warmth quickly accelerated into a full fledged raging burning pain.

Vader was confused, but only momentarily. From behind him he heard the cackling laughter of the Joker! “What’s going on, Darth? Are you listening to some HOT tunes?”

Vader turned in a rage and grabbed the Joker by the throat. “What have you done to me?”

Even as he asked the question, Vader realized he didn’t care. All he cared about now was revenge. He used the force to pull his lightsaber from his pack and activated it. Simultaneously, the Joker blew a fine white powder towards him. It infiltrated his breath filter and instantly made him feel funny. Vader’s senses were dulled and he was quite sure he was stoned.

Darth clumsily swung his lightsaber and missed, which was especially astonishing given the confined quarters of the bus. The sight of the blade sent the other passengers into a panic and they frantically climbed over one another and the rows of seats to get clear of the melee.

The Joker struck again, this time with a high-voltage hand buzzer. He slapped it into Vader’s chest and sent his life support machinery into mayhem. The Joker readied another attack but Darth lay prone. He harkened back to his force training and allowed himself to relax and focus.

The Joker advanced to attack again, but this time Darth was ready. He unleashed a force crush on the Joker’s throat that was so ferocious that his head was violently and forcefully removed from his neck. Blood erupted from the gaping hole like a crimson Old Faithful.

By now the driver had stopped the bus and pulled off to the side of the road. “All right, you two!” he bellowed. “No roughhousing on the bus. You’re out of here.”

Vader grabbed his pack and slunk off the bus. He watched with disappointment as the bus drove away without him. With grim resolve he turned to the road and extended his thumb. The journey must continue.

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