Issue 47: Tournament of Villainy
By Rascal Stallion

Lord Voldemort vs Kim Jong Il

Name: Tom Marvolo Riddle/Lord Voldemort		Name: Kim Jong Il
Occupation: Dark Wizard	vs.	Occupation: Supreme Commander of the Korean People’s Army
Origin: Harry Potter		Origin: His mother

Kim Jong Il was terribly excited. He had been a member of the Evil Bastard Club for quite a while but this would be his first meeting abroad. He was in England for some political junk when their local chapter had their monthly meeting. Since his dues were paid up he was allowed to attend their meeting in lieu of his regular South East Asia one.

It would be quite different for Kim Jong Il, though. He was used to being the top dog at his branch, especially since that bastard Pol Pot died 10 years ago. He was sure he was evil enough to fit in but he was a little worried they might not like him or respect his evilness.

Kim Jong Il walked into the meeting room and was a little dismayed to see he was the first one there. Still, he had nowhere else to go for a while so he just sat down in his usual seat. Still, it wasn’t too cool to be the first one there. He would rather be fashionably late. Just as he decided to go visit the water fountain to pass some time he heard the door open.

Lord Voldemort strode in and was appalled to see Il sitting in his seat, the coveted spot at the head of the evil table. “Who dares sit in the seat of Lord Voldemort?” bellowed Voldemort in an especially evil third person.

Kim Jong Il rose to his feet and Voldemort’s outrage doubled as he discovered it was a muggle who had trespassed in his seat. Without hesitation he aimed his wand at the diminutive dictator and cursed him. He cried out “aveda kedavra!” and a bright green flash erupted from the wand. The flash struck Il and killed him instantly. Then, as if nothing had happened, He who must not be named then turned to one of his assistants and asked that a replacement chair be brought in immediately.

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