Issue 38: Don't Bother Me, I'm Thinking
By Clancy Lass

New Zealand is Cool!

 
You know a show is good when you’re already laughing just from the opening credits. HBO’s Flight of the Conchords has steadily become one of my favorite shows for the odd, unusual humor of duo Jemaine Clement and Bret McKenzie, New Zealand’s fourth-rated folk duo. Intelligent humor is always the best kind, and this nerdy pair makes you work to get all the laughs buried in each episode. Case in point: Bret leaves the band in one episode and Jemaine and Murray hold auditions. The sign on the door lists the qualifications to fill Bret’s spot. You’ll miss them if you don’t pause. They include “Have curly hair,” and “Play guitar, but not very well.” There are also the slogans for the New Zealand posters on Murray’s office walls. Some are blatant and some I’ve missed while my husband was nearly on the floor from the limitations of Murray’s Commodore Vic 20 computer, and Bret’s 1983 Casio DG electric guitar set to electric mandolin and drums.

(On a side note, you also know you are officially out of the cultural loop when your seventy year old Mother calls to ask if you watch the show and fills you in on what it is.)

 
Every episode features the bumbling adventures of the New Zealanders as they settle in New York City and try to make it big on the music scene with aid from an officer of the New Zealand Consulate. They have one über-fan, Mel, whose tongue often begins moving out of her mouth ready to French Kiss the two while speaking to them outside their apartment and they often have to repeat things more than ten times for people to decipher their accents. The genres of music have spanned from French pop, a tribute to David Bowie, Reggae, and bow-chic-a-bow-bow booty songs. Their talents are amazing.  

Aside from the show, there are several snippets from their live performances on YouTube that are often much better than the renditions on the television show. Case in point: “Business Time.” Worked into the show, it’s funny, but slow and full of quirky filming. The live version is all about the facial expressions of Jemaine and a little more revved up. It’s also interesting to watch Bret perform “She’s So Hot – BOOM!” live as opposed to the animation-fueled version in the show. Both are wonderful, but seeing it in one shot in the live performance makes you appreciate his talent even more. On the flip side, there is “Rhymnoserous vs. Hiphopapotomus.” This is much funnier in the show than on the stage, because you are able to hear all the lyrics better, and again, the facial expressions of Jemaine are priceless. Yes, I love Jemaine. My husband knows. He’s okay with it. But I’m okay with his Nicole Kidman fascination…

There is little I can say of the show without spoiling the episodes if you have not yet had the pleasure of their unique, boyish company bestowed upon you in your living room. Go to YouTube and indulge a little. You won’t be disappointed.
 

Issue 36: Don't Bother Me, I'm Thinking
By Clancy Lass

They Might Be Midgets

All parents at one time or another are going to be subjected to the world of toddler television. It’s a painful, song-filled world of creepy adults dressed in horrifying costumes, singing dinosaurs, cross-dressing rapping grannies and baby-voiced animated four-year olds who can’t wipe their own bottoms. It’s awful.

I had decided before my son Philip was born I would not let him watch any television aside from Sesame Street, but a few months into my stay at home, I realized my entertainment value wasn’t as much as I had thought and my creativity was running dry. So, reluctantly, I turned on Disney.

We all know They Might Be Giants have contributed to the world of children’s music, and are responsible for the great theme song, “Boss of Me,” from Malcolm In The Middle. What I did not know is that they are slowly becoming a big name on the Disney circuit, creating theme songs for a few of the shows.

The mornings on Disney are reserved for infants and toddlers, full of mini-shows and programs filled with easy to understand, colorful, basic programs. They are fun and keep the attention of even the smallest child. In between programs, they show videos or shorts, and one morning in particular was the video for the wonderful nesting-doll show, Higglytown Heros. I’d heard of the show, but you can imagine my surprise when two familiar looking figures appeared as animated nesting dolls. There were the two Johns, one with a guitar, one with an accordion, singing their hearts out along with Ubi, Wayne, Twinkle, Kip and Fran. It’s hilarious, and the song is fantastic, as always.

But here’s the reason for writing this. As Philip has grown up, we have been getting involved in play groups, meeting to let the kids get energy out, develop interpersonal skills, and have fun playing with each other. Often, lunch is involved, which always means someone in the group is eating a hotdog cut into a thousand pieces. Thanks to TMBG, a hotdog isn’t just a hotdog anymore.

The geniuses at Disney hired TMBG to rejuvenate the Mickey Mouse theme song for their newish series The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. It’s a great computer animated series with Mickey and the gang using their Mouskatools to solve problems. The theme song includes the regular spelling out of Mickey’s name, but includes a fun contribution of Flansburg calling out in one of his fun voices “ROLL CALL!!!” and shouting out each name of the characters, Mickey, Goofy, Donald, etc.

The show ends with Mickey asking the kids to dance in celebration of solving the problems, and the song “Hot Dog!” begins. This is the best song ever, and now, wherever I go and children are there, all I have to do, (and yes, I’ve tested this many times…seriously, I have), is say “HOT DOG!” and a chorus of children begin to sing “Hot Dog, Hot Dog, Hot Diggity Dog, we’re splittin’ the scene, we’re full of beans! Get up, get out, the problem’s solved! Hot Dog, Hot Dog, Hot Diggity Dog!”

A new generation of TMBG fans is forming. And they don’t even know it.

Issue 33: Various and Sundry
By Clancy Lass

On The Off Beet

The Office opened my eyes in recent episodes. When co-workers began to scheme for who might obtain Michael Scott’s job if he went to Corporate, the strengths of Dunder-Mifflin long-timer Dwight Schrute became more evident, and I realized how much more qualified this fictional character was to be President than the actual President. Who doesn’t want to see the Oval Office painted black to show dominance?

Really. I mean, the wood paneling and Eagles are so outdated, and I think it betrays a certain submissiveness to not just take over and decorate it your own way. Clearly by not giving the office his personal touch, Dub-ya has shown he is not confident in his longevity or his place within the White House walls. Black is always the new black.

National security has been a major issue in the years since the War on Terror, and it seems information is often leaked. Dwight Schrute wouldn’t have this problem on his watch. Each security code would be password protected by a mythical creature. Think of how slim a population, (especially those who are potential terrorists and on a time budget), would be able to figure the passwords out, decode the meaning behind why a specific creature was chosen for what specific guardian duty, and how to spell them correctly.

Laura Bush is lovely, I’m sure. But she’s a candy-ass, and I don’t like that. You might say the alternative is Hillary Clinton, but even then, she was okay, just a little too obvious with her own political aspirations.

Now Angela, Dwight’s air-tight mistress, would be an amazing First Lady. She’s a bitch. Who doesn’t want to see that? Pursed lips and lacy collars would be a very poignant addition. That kind of opinionated, non-PC gumption is just what the image of the First Lady needs. We’ve had far too many years of plastic liars and a breath of fresh, brutal reality could be nice for a change. I would be far more interested in hopping on Angela’s platform of ridding college campuses of dorm sluts than giving a crap about such things as Education and trees. Come on, people!

Dwight’s first order of business would most likely be a good house-cleaning session. You can already hear the query to his advisors. “Question: Who can I fire?” His additions would be interesting. I would imagine among many a sensei and bear tracker, there might also be a few castaways from Lost he would spend an obscene amount of taxpayers’ money to rescue from Freaky-Deaky Island in order to comprise his National Security staff. Namely Sayid Jarrah and Ben Linus. Sayid is a self-proclaimed torturer and Ben is handy with mind games, very similar to Dwight. And if you read his web log, (he does not like the term “blog”), Schrute-Space, (which I do), you would know just how important Lost really is in the world of Dwight K. Schrute.

Campaign trail theme songs and slogans have gotten a little dull in the past few years, but I imagine Dwight could add some verve with his choices. Back up his “BEET OFF WITH SCHRUTE” signs with a little White Zombie. Who wouldn’t vote for THAT guy!!

So…Forget Barack Obama, Dennis Kucinich and Hillary Clinton. Vote for Dwight K. Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager of Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton, PA.

Issue 27: Various and Sundry
By Clancy Lass

Word on the Street

My memories of Sesame Street-a production of the Children’s Television Workshop – are of happy times on a colorful avenue where I would have loved to live. There was always singing, everyone was happy, and jolly fun puppets roamed the Earth.

Take a look at it now. Your memories, if they are anything like mine, are not accurate. Watching Sesame Street with my son the last couple of months has been an eye-opening experience. It’s absolutely nothing like I thought, and it isn’t just the addition of several characters, including Zoe, Elmo and Rosita. It’s just a brown street with little color and the same problems as the real world.

The most alarming thing on the Street would be the adults. Most of them look exactly the same, especially Gordon. It’s their demeanor that seems to have changed. They are very unsupportive of the puppets, except a few of the younger ones. Most of the time if Big Bird, Snuffy or Oscar have a problem, they roll their eyes (not kidding), huff and seem generally put out being interrupted from their duties. The only person slightly tolerant of their antics is Alan, the Asian grocery store/restaurant owner. Luis, who was a favorite and always seemed very compassionate to the monsters, is hardly around. I fear for his marriage to fellow human Maria, but she’s still there and sometimes the episode pops up where he enlists the monsters to help him make huevos rancheros for her. But that seems to be the extent of their marriage now. Bob is seldom around, and when he did appear the other day, I have to tell you I disagree with the way he treated Fluffy, Oscar’s pet elephant. He didn’t want her to play the W Game with him and Elmo. At least she lashed back and spit water out her trunk at him-which began with W. I had no memory of Gina, an attractive blonde studying to be a veterinarian. She humors the puppets, but most of the time she tells them to stop bothering her because she’s studying.

What example does this set to children? “You’re right. Adults really are WAY too busy to bother with you. Shut up and leave them alone.” Is that the word on the Street these days?

The random times my husband is home to catch a glimpse, he is angered by a very obvious omission in these later episodes. Since the dawn of Elmo, Grover got the shaft. He is no longer flying through the air as Super Grover and only appears in old clips of him as the bumbling waiter. They even added a song about his getting older called “I Do Not Jump Around Much Anymore,” (a play on “Don’t Get Around Much Anymore.”) The absence of Cookie Monster, Count, the memorable One Two Three FOUR FIVE Six Seven Eight NINE TEN eleven twelve, and Teeny Little Super Guy are also deeply felt. Very rarely will you see any of this.

Some of the more beloved characters have not aged well, in particular Ernie’s Rubber Ducky. That thing is nasty! You can see the dirt, and I am not exaggerating. It’s disgusting. You would have thought with all the money they make from merchandise, they could afford to make another damn duck. But no. It’s the same one he’s always had. Very disgusting and unhygienic. I think this point is enough to put to rest the rumors of Ernie’s sexuality, because no gay man I’ve ever been friends with would allow a skanky quacker in their house. And the only thing Bert “is” is an obsessive compulsive with a penchant for paper clips.

Big Bird, once a favorite, is now the most annoying character in the crew. Does anyone else remember him always piping out “La, la, la”? I don’t. But he does it. Often. And out of tune. He is also very nonchalant about pretty much everything, prone to outbursts of jealousy in regard for Snuffy, and is rude to several of the other characters. He is also the oldest, but the most indecisive of the bunch. The episode where he’s choosing a new food to try drives me crazy. It takes him the entire hour to pick from one of three recipes.

If you want to talk about strange relationships, dive into that of he and Snuffy. Forget Bert and Ernie. Most of the time, they sit watching each other lovingly and showering each other with compliments of deep admiration. They will do anything for each other-except share each other’s company with another person.

My new favorite character is Telly Monster. Talk about comic relief for the adults. Telly is in serious need of Prozac, and I wish they would have a “special” episode where Telly sees the Psychiatrist. They even added a vignette where it’s just him against a blank background showing the letter of the day and the announcer says, “And now, Telly has 15 seconds to find something that begins with the letter T.” It’s just him freaking out for 15 seconds, screaming, “OH MY GOSH! How am I supposed to do this???? Someone should have told me!!!!” Then he realizes he begins with a T. It’s awesome.

The new characters seem to be more well-rounded than the older characters, and a little more human. They seem to have more going on than just one gimmick and have more personal interactions with the adults, especially Maria and Alan. Rosita is Spanish. She enjoys making new friends and finding out about people she isn’t that familiar with on the street and getting to know them better, and she’s a photographer. She is also fickle, because she has named two different people her best friend, including Harry Monster and Prairie Dawn.

Zoe is your typical kid who doesn’t like to share and makes up silly excuses to get out of it. She also enjoys pretty much only one thing, like all other kids: repetition. Zoe likes to ride the Zoemobile Maria made her at The Fix-It Shop, and that’s pretty much it. She won’t share it with anyone unless they say they won’t play with her ever again.

And even then, it takes some serious deliberation on her part.

There is more to Elmo than the “Tickle Me” aspect, I promise. He’s actually hysterically funny, entertaining, and a great teaching tool for the children. They respond to him above any other character and actually start doing things he asks them to do. …Now…if he starts telling them to build a giant Cyborg to kill all adults and take over the world, I might start to get concerned, but so far, it’s just small tasks like showing where your ears are or showing him a shoe. He also features the amazing talents of Broadway vets Bill Irwin and Michael Jeeter as Mr. Noodle and Mr. Noodle’s Brother.

Sesame Street will always have a special place in my heart, I’m just surprised how boring and unentertaining it seems, with the exception of Elmo’s World. While I miss the old aspects that bring back wonderful memories, I do understand the need to keep abreast of changing times. They just aren’t doing a very good job. They are in the age of The Wiggles now – fast-paced, very well-written true entertainment with brilliant songs and animations. The Sesame Street Workshop needs to buy a new duck, give the puppets, (who are getting matted and visibly dirty themselves), a bath and move into the 21st Century. Or at least refurbish the stuff that used to make it so unmistakably great.

Issue 26: Don't Bother Me, I'm Thinking
By Clancy Lass

On John Denver: Musical Forefather, and the American Idol Generation

For no reason at all, John Denver’s classic “Annie’s Song” popped into my head last week and I haven’t been able to get it out. I couldn’t remember all the words, but had the gist of the song. The only clear thing I remembered was a very sinister-but-pleasant parody song they used to play on Dr. Demento that I loved that began, “And now, the sounds of John Denver being strangled to death.” Then the singer would begin using a very fake country accent and mess the words up with something like “You laid on my pillow…” instead of the actual lyrics, until he begins violently choking and eventually dies.

But back to present day- I could not get this damn song out of my head. It drove me so crazy, I finally had to download it on iTunes. There was no other way to confront it and put it to rest. After downloading the song and paying 99 cents I knew I would regret, I hit play and began to clean off my desk, another unpleasant thing that has been plaguing me. I couldn’t clean.

John Denver was a musical genius. Dr. Demento didn’t have time to enter my mind, I was so captivated by his voice…and the REALLY bad album cover picture they have of him advertising his Greatest Hits, (you remember it: the bowl haircut, the cowboy hat and the beady eyes.) Suddenly I was flooded with memories of sitting in the living room as a kid, with my siblings singing along to that song and “Thank God I’m A Country Boy.” Our family wasn’t so flush with cash, so what we lacked in Cable TV and Coke clothing we made up for in my much older brother’s LPs that had been left behind. Though I didn’t watch V and couldn’t tell you the name of a single Fraggle, I can recite all the lyrics to The Who’s Tommy and basically any hit of The Supremes, Simon & Garfunkel and Bread.

John Denver was an artist whose joy and pure love of music rang true in his voice. You could always hear how much fun he was having, or that a particular lyric was truly felt in the way he delivered it. His music could be fun, and it could make me feel like I just wanted to hug someone. It’s especially interesting to hear John Denver with my son sitting on my lap. Always one to run around and never catch his breath or sit down…He stops for The Denver. Even sat on my lap and let me rock him to “Annie’s Theme” on more than one occasion, which has made it well worth the 99 cents. There aren’t many artists whose music you can sing along with anymore. My son will only know Karen Carpenter and the Mamas and the Papas if I provide the example.

My personal quest has begun. My children will be well-versed in their own pop culture, but I will make sure they will also be well-versed in mine and the generation before mine, too. It really pains me to think that I had to rediscover John Denver this late in the game. Nothing angers me more than to hear this American Idol generation desecrate the musical forefathers, even though back in the day, I was guilty of the same thing, (i.e. a conversation with my principal in which the song “I Saw Her Standing There” came up, and I argued that the song was not by the Beatles, but by Tiffany and was actually titled “I Saw HIM Standing There.” Yes, I feel utter shame at the thought of it.)

Last year, I remember thinking somewhere in the Heavens I heard Judy Garland’s cocktail hit the ground as I passed a teenager who said, “My favorite song is ‘Somewhere Over The Rainbow’ by Katherine McPhee.” Though I wanted to knock the girl down as she passed, I didn’t. It just angers me that whole generations of kids are being raised believing Constantine originated the song “I Think I Love You.” Don’t make me go Bonaduce on your ass, you crazy generation. At least know the history of where it came from and feel the beauty of David Cassidy in all his glory, not some skank who can only perfect the “power look” into the camera and not perfect a true power vocal.

One of my biggest disagreements with this problem is the bastardization of some wonderful songs from both the pop and music theatre worlds. The worst I’ve come across so far is “Feeling Good” by Michael Buble. And yes, I know it’s pronounced Boo-blay, but I still call him Bubble Boy. Anyway, his big-band, sexy, James Bond version of this song has been over-popularized to the point that again, young hopefuls on American Idol are giving him credit for the song. The actual song, written by music theatre heroes of mine, Anthonly Newley and Leslie Bricusse, is from the musical The Roar of the Greasepaint – The Smell of the Crowd, an interesting look at the Have’s vs. the Have Not’s playing an actual game of life in which you can overcome your unfortunate status if you can overthrow bureaucracy and win “the game.” The song takes place when the character of The Negro suddenly achieves freedom, and the song is his response. It is a powerful, deeply moving song that leaves people speechless when done right. However, it disgusts me that an entire generation has no idea what the song actually means, and that it isn’t supposed to sound like the theme to Perry Mason…not that they would even know who he is.

…But I digress.

Download “Annie’s Song” or the entire Greatest Hits album from John Denver. It’s worth the .99 or 9.99. Plenty of beautiful tunes, great lyrics…and a “Country Road” ready to take you home.