Issue 48: Life in Space
By Amdnarg Toh

The Sounds of Cylons

Hello Apollo, my old friend,
I’ve come to talk with you again,
Through the ship they’re slowly creeping,
They plan to kill us while we’re sleeping,
Alarm bells that pierce my waking brain
Still remain
It was the sounds of Cylons.

In restless dreams we walked alone
In this huge ship that we call home
In the glow of an emergency lamp,
We aim our blasters at the lifeless camp

Then our eyes were stabbed by the flash of a laser light
That split the night
And broke the sound of silence.

“Fools” we said, “you do not know
Their numbers like a cancer grows.
We’ve really got to take the fight to where
They make these metal men of war I swear”
So they asked us to destroy the factory
This they plea
It’s the war with the Cylons

And in the factory light we saw
Ten thousand robots without flaw.
Cyborgs talking without speaking,
Machines hearing without listening.
We plant the bomb and leave like we were never there
And we swear
We left the sound of silence.

And the bulkheads bowed and swayed
As lasers ‘cross the ship were splayed.
And the klaxon flashed its warning,
The alarm that it was forming.
And the sign said, “The Galactica is under attack”
and then the lights went black
And all we heard
Were the sounds of Cylons.

Issue 31: Life in Space
By Mr. Atoz, The Librarian

The Way to Eden: A Study of the Unintentional Humor of Star Trek

Much discussion has been made about the quality of the third season of Star Trek. In most Trekkie and Trekker circles, it is viewed as the Cooper Manning of the Star Trek family. If viewed through a less intense lens of science fiction, the third season can be entertaining, although it is indeed an enigma. You have some very good episodes, some iconic episodes, and some episodes that seem to have been written under the influence of some very good drugs. Season 3 is all over the place, but one bit of consistency that can be found is a high entertainment value.

I am much different from most Star Trek fans. As much as I adore the show, I don’t take it all that seriously. My love for Star Trek comes not only from a love of space science fiction, but also from a love of ironic, unintentional comedy. Therefore, some of the more “classic” earnest-toned science fiction episodes are rather boring for me, while some of the “turkeys” are some of my favorites.

I decided this week not to bore you, (or perhaps moreso me), with the episodic details of The Way to Eden. It’s not really important. All you need to know is that a group of space hippies has hijacked a Federation vessel in order to find the planet Eden. The space hippies are lead by the insane Dr. Slavin. At some point during the third season, the writers decided that they needed to address the cultural and political climate of the 60’s and parallel it into the Star Trek universe. Of course, a big aspect of 60’s culture, or counterculture if you will, were hippies. So Star Trek felt the need to address the hippie culture of 20th Century Earth. I’m glad they did. What resulted was the funniest episode of Star Trek.

Let’s start off with the slang that the Trek writers had our hippies adopt. The most used slang word by the space hippies is “Herbert.” “Herbert” is someone who is not exactly “groovy” or “with it”, if you will. “Herbert” is one who upholds the values of “the man.” Now, if something is groovy or cool, then it is “now.” For example, the guitar playing hippie, Adam, steps into Spock’s quarters and when he hears Spock play his Vulcan lute, (I actually have no idea what that thing is called), he says, “Man, that is so NOW.” Another term for “cool” or “groovy” would be for something to “sound.” Once again, after Adam hears Spock play his lute, Adam says, “That SOUNDS.” Finally, if you and your brother agree on something, then you “reach.”

Let’s talk for a moment about Spock’s musical abilities, which are emphasized in this episode. About 2/3 into the episode, we are treated to a musical lute/guitar duet by Spock and one of the space hippies. This was preceded by a whole musical number by the space hippies in near entirety. We are also shown cuts of the Enterprise crew enjoying the music, no doubt thinking to themselves, “This sounds.”

The conflict comes in when Captain Kirk doesn’t reach with his crew fraternizing with the space hippies. He has a ship to run, of course. Spock also discovers that Slavin is insane, and the hippies reach Eden. Unfortunately, it is not the Paradise of Now that our hippie friends thought it was. A scene where we see a dead Adam with an apple lying next to his hand tells us that. We also get a poignant reprise of the song, “Going to Eden,” as we see a dead Adam lying on the ground. As you can see, I cannot do this episode justice. It is horrible and awesome all at the same time. The Way to Eden and I totally reach.

Issue 30: Life in Space
By Mr. Atoz, The Librarian

Buried in Space

I’ve never outgrown the boyhood fantasy of being an astronaut. It hasn’t happened, and it never will. I never took my fascination with space very seriously. I was always a little embarrassed by it. In fact, I forgot about it through my adolescence and early college years. I rediscovered it the spring of my junior year in college, when I healed myself from a terrible crush by sticking my nose in my studies for a semester. I hid myself in schoolwork and obsession to prove to myself that I was as smart as some people told me I was. During this period, I would stay up in the late hours of Sunday night reading and doing all kinds of homework. In those days, Channel 4 would show two episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation and Star Trek. Four hours of Star Trek. Hiding in a cave of business and marketing homework and cheesy science fiction TV gave me an incredible amount of comfort. The thing was I didn’t discover my love for space and space television; I simply rediscovered it. Growing up, I was a big fan of Battlestar Galactica and Buck Rogers in the 25th Century, although I was way too small to understand the concept of the shows. I even wore a plastic Buck Rogers costume for Halloween when I was about 4. It was way too big for me, but apparently I had my heart set on being Buck Rogers that year.

We learned last week that James Doohan, (better known as Scotty from Star Trek), will have his ashes sent into space in a rocket later this month by a company called Space Services. On a related note, Gene Roddenberry had his ashes sent into orbit by the same company. People talk about having their ashes spread out at sea or somewhere they loved. You never hear about people wanting their ashes taken to space. I’ll probably never do it because I’m not that eccentric, but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t given it some thought.

Space, it could be argued, is heaven. Why not have both your soul and your body in the heavens? But outside of that, why space? Space, both in fiction and reality, holds an explicit measure of every concept that I love or value: adventure, mystery, security, and comfort, (I do recognize the oddity of pairing concepts of adventure with security.) The biggest thing, however, may be the concept of possibility. Space is a reminder of how small I am, but what’s more- space is a reminder of how small everyone and everything else is. I’m not in control, and neither is anyone else. Space is a symbol for how little I know, but also how much I can find out. While the Earth is full of trouble and confinement, space is free. Some have argued that the largest statement of the popularity of Star Trek has been its message of hope. I’m completely on board with that. It tells us that “beyond” is a better place.

Issue 28: Life in Space
By Mr. Atoz, The Librarian

Buck Rogers in the 25th Century: Season One, or Season Two?

Buck Rogers in the 25th Century is the most underappreciated of all space shows. Unfortunately, the reason why it is so underappreciated is because most people associate the show with Season One, which was basically a series of Magnum P.I. in space. That isn’t to say that Season One is not very good. It’s just that it often times fails to capture the essence of a true space show. The show also fails in Season 1 to capitalize on the strong theme of a lonely, homesick man lost in the future. Too often the show tries to be a 70’s crime show in space instead of a space show that just happened to be produced in the 70’s. This fact lends itself to a high cheese factor, to the show’s misfortune. There are exceptions, however: the science fiction in “Space Vampire” and Buck’s homesickness in “A Dream of Jennifer.” Both episodes are clearly the best of the first season.

In the second season, the show takes a much different turn. It’s assumed that the second season is weaker only because it is so different from the first season. Even the music is much different. The second season differences are a result of a writer’s strike in 1980, and actor Gil Gerard’s alleged desire for the show to have more of a focus on science fiction. The result is a better show, balanced by moments that are still utter cheese. The sets are still bad, and the music is hammy. But the stories are better, even if the execution is a little questionable. Wilma returns, but more so in the role of a sidekick. Also, Twiki returns, but at least for the first few episodes, Mel Blanc’s wisecracking voice is replaced by a generic, cartoonish tenor. The new character Hawk is introduced as some sort of half- human, half-bird character. Other characters are introduced, like Admiral Asimov, Dr. Goodfellow, and perhaps most importantly of all, the starship Searcher. All of these elements give the second season of Buck Rogers in the 25th Century a very Star Trek-like feel, thus making it superior to the show we saw in Season One.

There are a few episodes with scripts that would have translated nicely into Star Trek: The Original Series episodes. The first one that comes to mind is my second favorite BRin25C episode, “The Hand of Goral.” It’s obviously an homage to the TOS episode “Mirror, Mirror”, but I daresay that the story of “Hand of Goral” is superior. I’ve always been able to appreciate the subtle revelation of the alternate universe in “Hand of Goral” over the explicitness of “Mirror, Mirror.” We don’t get any sidekicks with beards, different uniforms, or helmsmen with scars. Instead, we get small, subtle differences in the temperaments of the characters. We get paranoia, fear, and underhandedness. The explanation is a bit cloudy and confusing, but the ride is enjoyable.

My favorite episode is another second season installment called “The Guardians”, which also would have translated beautifully as a TOS episode. In it, Buck and Hawk are given a green box that makes the crew see visions, sometimes terrifying. The alternate reality theme is present in this episode as well. The explanation is that the box in some way is a balance for time and space, and if it is not in the hands of the property “guardian,” time and space are hurled into chaos. The story seems closer to a Star Trek: The Next Generation episode than a TOS episode, but would still work very well. “The Mark of the Saurian” is about how an enemy alien race called the Saurians are somehow able to make themselves look like members of the Earth Defense Directorate, and come aboard the Searcher. Buck is very ill, and somehow because of his illness he is the only one that can see that the Directorate members are Saurians.

Season 2 has more than its fair share of stupidity: “The Golden Man” and “The Crystals” are absolutely horrible. You might have to be in the right mood for “Time of the Hawk” and “Testimony of a Traitor.” At some point, I may give full reviews of these episodes.

Issue 25: Life in Space
By Mr. Atoz, The Librarian

Fargo Trek

A Play

(The U.S.S. Enterprise receives a distress signal from 20th Century Earth. Kirk and Spock beam down to where the distress signal has originated. The coordinates match a small bar outside of Brainerd, North Dakota. In order to blend in with that society, Kirk and Spock dress in clothes of that region and time period….turtlenecks and wool coats. Spock, of course, has to wear a stocking cap to cover his ears.)

Kirk: What a peculiar place this is, Mr. Spock.

Spock (taking out his tricorder): Indeed, Captain. However, this establishment is not dissimilar to our officer’s club on board the Enterprise. I have noticed, Captain, that there is one patron that is not participating in the consumption of elixiric beverages nor playing billiards.

(Spock points to a fidgety, sandy-haired gentleman sitting in a booth. They both walk over to the booth and sit down.)

Kirk: We received your distress signal. What is this about, Mr………

Jerry: Lundergaard, Jerry Lundegaard. Pleased to meet you.

Kirk: We’ll see about that, Mr……….Lundegaard, is it?

Jerry: Yes, Jerry. Jerald. Jerry. Jerry Lundegaard. I work for my father-in-law, Wade.

Spock: Weed?

Jerry: No, Wade.

Spock: (raises an eyebrow)

Kirk: What do you want from us, Mr…Lundegaard?

Jerry: Well,….it’s Jean……it’s my wife……it’s Jean……………..

Kirk: What does your wife have to do with my ship, Mr?

Jerry: Well, I’d like for you to kidnap my wife. See, I’m going to take the ransom money from my father-in-law and then I’ll give it to you guys.

Kirk: Why?

Jerry: See?…..these are personal matters that……see…..I needn’t………….

Spock: Forgive me, Mr. Lundegaard, but your plan seems illogical. It is……to coin a phrase from your 20th century culture…… “robbing Peter to pay Paul.”

Jerry: No, it’s not.

Spock: Indeed it is, Mr. Lundegaard

Jerry: No….see?….it’s…..

Kirk: We are not going to debate with you, Mr. We are not going to sit here and debate. We don’t need your money. Why else should we do this?

Jerry: Well, I’ll knock $100 off the TruCoat I put on your ship……..

Kirk: Are you threatening my ship, Mr!?!?!?!?!

Jerry: No……no…..I’m not…….no. (chuckles)

Spock: Forgive me again, Mr. Lundegaard, but we should contact the local law enforcement.

Jerry: NO! No cops! This is my deal here!

Kirk: All right. We’ll do it. For my ship.

(The next day, Spock and Kirk take Jerry’s tan Sierra and kidnap his wife, Jean. They drive back to Brainerd, but on the way they are stopped by a local highway patrolman. Spock, in a fit of Vulcan rage because of the imminent Pon Fa’ar, kills the Highway Patrolman in cold blood. Kirk calls Lundegaard at his office.)

Jerry: Jerry Lundegaard here.

Kirk: Listen to me. Listen to me, Mr. Where’s that money? I have to get back to my ship.

Jerry: I…..I don’t have the money just yet there……see…..I…….

Kirk: Listen to me, Mr. You drop the money off on top of the parking lot garage or we’ll turn you in to the local authorities. We need that money now. Blood has been shed, Jerry, blood has been shed.

Jerry: What are you talking about? What have you two gotten yourselves mixed up in? This was supposed to be a no rough stuff type deal. Now, a deal’s a deal……….

Kirk: Listen to me, Mister!! You ask those two poor souls in Brainerd if a deal’s a deal. Go ahead, you Klingon bastard, ask them!!

Jerry: Whatdaheckdoyoumean?

Kirk: “Whatdaheckdoyoumean”?

(Kirk hangs up.)

(Later, Spock and Kirk are on the top level of the parking garage waiting for the drop. But instead of Jerry, they get an old man they don’t recognize.)

Spock: Forgive me, but where is Jerry?

Wade: Here’s your money!! Now where’s my daughter. I’m not just whistling Dixie here, I assure you…..

Kirk: Where’s Jerry? Is he doing something to my ship??

Wade: Where’s Jean?

Spock: Give us the currency, sir, and you shall have your daughter.

Wade: No Jean, no money!!

Kirk: Is this some kind of joke

Wade: No Jean, no money, you dumbass!!

Kirk: Well, double-dumbass on you!!

(Kirk then takes out his phaser and kills Wade.)

The End