Issue 2: Escaping Life
By Rascal Stallion

Grand Theft Auto – San Andreas Review

Today, I am a gangsta.

I am a hardcore, bitch-slapping, car jacking, tough as steel street thug born with a deficiency of whatever pussy gene gives a man a conscience. I will reclaim the streets for my beloved Grove Street gang, striking down with furious anger every hood, ho or po-po that stands in my path.

What is it?
GTA: SA is the latest installment in the GTA franchise, a much-maligned series of games that has drawn the ire and horror of parents and politicians alike. As if kids wouldn’t already want to play it, this ringing authoritarian endorsement virtually guaranteed it would become a best seller, regardless of its M rating.

The story opens with your character, Carl “CJ” Johnson, returning to his boyhood home of Los Santos (Los Angeles) following the suspicious death of his mother. You are immediately accosted by the police (voiced by Mace Windu and the recently deceased Chris Penn) and dumped in a rival gang’s neighborhood.

Upon finally arriving home you find Grove Street and the gang you left behind are but a shadow of what you knew from your youth. To the people of Grove Street you are just the guy who ran away when things got tough years ago. Now, with your hood in shambles, it’s up to you to rise up and lead Grove Street back into a golden age. You must earn your fellow homies’ respect by being fearless and ruthless as you reclaim what was once yours (and everything else you happen to want.)

Your adventures pit you against rival gangs, la policía, the ROTC, government agents and even La Cosa Nostra. Needless to say, your hands are so full you hardly have the time to tend to your pimping responsibilities.

You have to learn to drive both a car and a boat, as well as fly planes and helicopters. Some missions require stealth while others require a more direct approach to the action. Sometimes you’ll opt to use a sniper rifle from long distances, while other times a knife is your best choice. San Andreas offers a very wide variety of tasks you must tackle to progress.

CJ is fairly customizable, too. You can choose his clothes, haircut and build. This is fun because you can look as tough or ridiculous as you want.

The game map is gigantic. GTA: SA takes you from the streets of Los Santos to the hills of San Fierro (San Francisco) and the glitz of Las Venturas (Las Vegas.) Each metropolis, surrounded by expansive country sides and deserts, features landmarks that will be easily recognizable to anyone who has visited the cities that inspired them.. Believe me, exploring all that San Andreas has to offer will give your thumbs quite a workout.

What sets it apart?
Grand Theft Auto has been such a successful franchise it has led to the birth of countless imitators (I’m talking to you, True Crime.) That said, the folks at Rockstar Games have always managed to stay ahead of the pack and once again offer the best game of this type on the market.

The radio feature is out of sight. Every time you get into (read: steal) a car, a random radio station plays. There are ten or so completely different stations, each one featuring a high quality mix of songs. You can hear anything from Eddie Rabbit and talk radio to 2 Pac and Toto. Let me tell you, doing a drive-by on a rival gang and then backing your car over their corpses a few times is infinitely enhanced when accompanied by the sounds of NWA.

Additionally, each station has an individual vibe and boasts a fine cadre of DJs, including characters voiced by Wil Wheaton, Andy Dick and Axl Rose.

This brings to mind the overall voice work, which is top of the line. There are too many stars to name, but pay attention for David Cross and Bijou Phillips. Rockstar doesn’t mind tossing a chunk of their budget in this direction and it shows.

Will I ever want to play it again after I beat it?
San Andreas takes a very long time to beat, and even then there is still so much left to explore and conquer. It is a good game to put away after you have exhausted yourself winning it and then pick back up a few weeks later to see what else you can find. There are girls to date, hos to pimp and a full casino in which to blow your money. Occasionally I’ve spent a few hours just playing the blackjack and video poker features within the game.

Several vehicles unlock additional challenges. Just steal a taxi, firetruck, or police car to see what I’m talking about.

Who knows, some day when you get home from work you may need to blow off some steam. Just load San Andreas into your XBOX, steal a sports car or motorcycle and see what kind of crazy jumps you can find. Or, if you prefer, take your sniper rifle up to the top of a nice building and then blast your worries away. If the army shows up to stop you just blast them with your bazooka and escape or reset the game and start sniping again.

Final thoughts
Pure and simple, this is a fun game. It’s not the decline of Western Civilization some would have you believe. In fact, if this were a movie instead of a video game it wouldn’t even be graphic enough to land on anyone’s radar. Just play it and have fun. Don’t worry about the moral decay of the nation, which is going to happen whether you play this game or not. You might as well have a little fun.

Look- chances are if you’re any kind of gamer, (outside of the meatheads that just buy sports games and movie adaptations), you’ve already taken a ride through San Andreas. If somehow you haven’t (and you’re old enough to have pubes) shut this stupid website down right now and go buy yourself a copy. If by chance you don’t like it, give this article to someone else who hasn’t played it and talk them into buying your copy.