I was doing a little cursory reading on the Jungian archetypes-those basic images that we all supposedly carry around in the back of our brains-pictures like “the shadow,” “the child,” and “the old man,” as well as various others. And it occurred to me that I’ve got a couple of them rattling around in my own noggin that I didn’t see mentioned. Granted, just because the following images seem fundamental and primordial to me, it doesn’t mean that they are. Which probably means that they aren’t even archetypal. But I’m going to talk about them anyway. Just try and stop me.

Ok… If there’s one iconic hero that should be left the hell alone, it’s Captain America.

I mean… He saved America from the Nazis, the Japs, the Communists, and just about every other anti-American force that our country has faced since the early 1940’s. He survived decades floating in the Atlantic Ocean, frozen in a big ice cube in suspended animation. (Just in time to be unfrozen to battle the Cold War Communists.)Whenever a new enemy came into power, Captain America was sent in to battle evil, and promote freedom, democracy, Mom, and apple pie.

I’ve never outgrown the boyhood fantasy of being an astronaut. It hasn’t happened, and it never will. I never took my fascination with space very seriously. I was always a little embarrassed by it. In fact, I forgot about it through my adolescence and early college years. I rediscovered it the spring of my junior year in college, when I healed myself from a terrible crush by sticking my nose in my studies for a semester. I hid myself in schoolwork and obsession to prove to myself that I was as smart as some people told me I was. During this period, I would stay up in the late hours of Sunday night reading and doing all kinds of homework. In those days, Channel 4 would show two episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation and Star Trek. Four hours of Star Trek. Hiding in a cave of business and marketing homework and cheesy science fiction TV gave me an incredible amount of comfort.

Magneto settled into a plush seat in the darkened theater. The show was just about to begin and he was pleasantly surprised to see he was the only one in attendance. He preferred to visit the theater in the afternoon to avoid crowds and once again he was successful.

The opening credits began to flash on the screen when Magneto detected a disturbance behind him. It started as a low rabble and quickly escalated into a full-blown brouhaha.

Stripe and a few of his buddies had entered the theater and were quickly making a nuisance of themselves. They were talking loudly and throwing popcorn and Magneto was fuming inside. He couldn’t believe how little respect some people could have.

The Soggies trudged through the icky sewer. The smell was overpowering and had them all on the verge of retching. Still they journeyed on. They had an elaborate plan to defeat Cap’n Crunch and his infernally crunchy cereal once and for all and step one involved sneaking through the sewer.

The plan took an unfortunate, unexpected twist as the Soggies took a wrong turn. They rounded a corner and found themselves face to face with The Shredder! Evidently they had stumbled into his home as he appeared to be just getting out of the shower. His Shredder hair was still wet and he was clad in only a damp ninja towel.