All the animals come out at night- whores, skunk pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets.

While the rest of the country finds itself in a drought, we Oklahomans have been inundated with the deluge. Every day it’s the same: a light morning rain followed by a nice afternoon shower, chased with a little more rain for a bit of variety. It’s like living in the mountains without the benefit of mountains.

I, for one, have decided to stop resisting, trying to go on with life as if usual. I have decided to surrender to the flood. Rather than curse this eternal downpour as I run from errand to errand gradually becoming drenched, I have resolved to spend an hour indoors, wistfully watching it come down out the window with a thematic soundtrack—whores, junkies, and skunk pussies be damned.

Fill in the blank:

Red, white, and ______.

Beans and _______.

Bacon, lettuce, and _______.

Some combinations make sense. I know of a few that don’t. Cream cheese, mayonnaise, and olive sandwiches just don’t make sense. Pickles and ice cream don’t make sense. A computer nerd that doesn’t have a BlackBerry, Wii, and a DVR doesn’t make sense. So paint me plaid and call me weird – I’m the one.

I confess that I’m somewhat of a Luddite.

In a nondescript coffee house somewhere in the Midwest, we see the Dude and Amdnarg Toh conducting a brainstorm of comic book nerdiness…

TD: So – I was thinking the other day about who would be the most villainous villain…

So…stuck in traffic again, running late to pick up the flowers, the paycheck, the kids from school, and now home is going to be a wreck for the evening. Now would be the time for a chemical accident of some sort to either melt your skin off or give you some sort of super speed, even if just for the moment. Please, help the loser out, be on my side, the side of the little guy. Well, that’s who the Flash is for, the loser for the losers.

This is a multiple part series for the Super Hero Information Initiative covering The hero for the Blue Collar, The Crimson Comet, Sultan of Speed, The One Who Rides Lightning… The Flash.

Saruman and Khan had no reason to fight one another. In fact, there is no reasonable explanation for them to ever be in the same place or even time. Yet, here they were inside the long abandoned Regal Ice factory and it was about to get ugly. Silently glaring at one another, each one’s ambition so large it simply couldn’t coexist with the other. A fight was imminent.