Issue 18: Tournament of Villainy
By Rascal Stallion

Johnny Lawrence vs The Headless Horseman

Name: Johnny Lawrence		Name: The Headless Horseman
Occupation: Martial Arts Student/School Bully	vs.	Occupation: Retired Hessian trooper searching for his missing head
Origin: The Karate Kid		Origin: Washington Irving’s The Legend of Sleepy Hollow

The Headless Horseman listlessly roamed the beach. He was weary from decades of searching for his lost head and finally decided he would claim the next suitable head he came across. As he trotted over a dune, he noticed a group of young men below him kicking a soccer ball around a campfire.

One of them in particular, Mr. Johnny Lawrence, had an exquisite head; a head that the horseman would soon claim as his own.

The Horseman approached the boys at full gallop and launched a flaming pumpkin at the gathering. The pumpkin reached its target and exploded into the back of Jerry and Tommy, killing them instantly. Dutch and Bobby looked up just in time to be trampled under the horse’s hooves.

Johnny jumped onto his motorcycle and the chase was on. The Horseman raced down the beach after Johnny, throwing flaming pumpkin after flaming pumpkin after him. Johnny thought to himself “where does he keep those things that he has so many to throw at me?”

Finally, the Headless Horseman’s aim was true and one of the pumpkins struck Johnny’s back tire, sending him crashing to the sand. Some sand even went down his shorts and I think we all know what a hassle that is.

The Horseman stopped and stood before Johnny. The horse’s nostrils flared as Johnny glared back. Johnny broke the silence “Okay, here’s your first lesson: how to take a FALL!” and with that he swept the horse’s leg.

The horse crumpled, his broken leg unable to hold his weight. The Horseman tumbled down and was met by a ferocious series of punches from Johnny’s trained fists. Johnny unleashed blow after blow to the horseless Horseman’s ribs, kidneys and solar plexus.

Just before delivering the coup de gras, Johnny said “Mercy is for the weak. A man confronts you, he is the enemy. An enemy deserves no mercy.” Johnny then reached his arm down into the gaping hole where the Horseman’s head used to lie and grabbed a handful of guts. Grabbing tightly, he ripped them out and flung them across the sand.

“No mercy, bitch” Johnny said as he walked away.

View Tournament Bracket