Issue 24: Tournament of Villainy
By Rascal Stallion

Lord Voldemort vs Verbal Kint

Name: Tom Marvolo Riddle/Lord Voldemort		Name: Verbal Kint/Keyser Soze
Occupation: Dark Wizard	vs.	Occupation: Underworld Kingpin
Origin: Harry Potter		Origin: The Usual Suspects

He who must not be named had stolen from Keyser Soze and Soze was out for revenge. Since you know who has no living family, Soze struck at his Death Eaters. Brutally raping and murdering his way through the group, everyone from Peter Pettigrew to the Lestranges and Malfoys fell victim to his wrath.

The Dark Lord had to put an end to this insolence and set out to destroy Soze. Unable to find him, he was able to capture a criminal named Verbal who knew something about him. Voldemort planned to interrogate, (and torture, if necessary), Verbal until the whereabouts of Soze could be determined. Verbal was a toady little criminal, weak and stricken with palsy. He would be no match for the persuasive powers of you know who.

“Tell me everything you know about Keyser Soze,” commanded Voldemort.

Verbal noticed the Death Eater mark on Voldemort’s arm and started into a story about how Soze got his start as a snake handler in a traveling circus in Hungary.

Glancing out the window, Verbal spotted a wishing well. This led to a tale about the summer that Soze spent as a roadie for Terence Trent D’Arby.

Verbal went on and on like this for over an hour. He finally made his way toward the door and put on his jacket. Suddenly, in a move so swift it betrayed his palsy act, Soze whipped out a gun and swung it towards Voldemort.

Voldemort, however, was ready. Being a highly accomplished legilimens, he was aware of Verbal’s lies from the beginning and only continued to let him ramble as a ploy to lower his guard. Wand raised, he cried out “crucio!” and Soze was struck by the excruciating pain of the Cruciatus Curse.

Soze’s body betrayed him as he was unable to do anything but writhe in agony. He who must not be named briefly left the room and returned with a plate of mint humbugs. He sat before Soze, carefully and deliberately eating each humbug, taunting him all the while.

Once Voldemort had finished with his snack, he released Soze from the Cruciatus curse. Soze regained his senses enough to bolt for the door. Voldemort leveled his wand at the criminal and briefly wondered about the merits of shooting the devil in the back. “Avada Kedavra!” he bellowed and a blast of green light erupted from his wand. The spell struck Soze, killing him instantly.

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