Issue 44: Tournament of Villainy
By Rascal Stallion

Megatron vs Godzilla

Name: Megatron		Name: Godzilla
Occupation: Leader of the Decepticons	vs.	Occupation: Metaphor for the Dangers of Atomic Weapons
Origin: Transformers		Origin: Godzilla

Godzilla and Megatron eyed one another warily. They had been sitting at the bar for close to three hours and were quickly tiring of each other’s company. Both were lamenting how terrible their latest film incarnations had been, despite the excellent source material, and both were tired of hearing the other one talk about himself. With frustration levels and b.a.c.’s high, the inevitable fighting words finally spilled forth from Megatron:

“You think you’re better than me?”

Godzilla answered with his trademark shriek and whipped his tail around, tripping the Decepticon. Megatron dropped to the ground and wobbled a bit before he rose and faced the gigantic lizard.

Godzilla taunted him, “Of course I think I’m better than you. You started off a toy commercial and now you’re just a whore for that sleazy pimp Michael Bay. I, on the other hand, am a metaphor for the dangers of atomic weapons and became a rallying symbol for a civilization trying to regain its … ”

BAZOOM!

Godzilla was cut off by a blast from Megatron’s arm cannon. That Michael Bay crack had really set him in a frenzy. Godzilla reeled backwards and was dismayed to find one of his teeny arms was charred and unresponsive.

Megatron transformed into jet form and swooped above the lizard. They played a cat and mouse game for a time. Megatron was diving and strafing while Godzilla returned fire with his atomic breath ray. Megatron scored several hits but the wounds were superficial against Godzilla’s tough skin and regenerative power. Still, he feigned being more injured than he truly was to lure Megatron in closer.

Feeling overly confident, Megatron swooped in closer and Godzilla saw just the break he’d been waiting for. Godzilla let loose a powerful magnetic field that momentarily incapacitated Megatron and caused him to transform back to his robot form as he spiraled downward to the Earth. Just before Megatron struck the ground Godzilla whipped him up the air with his tail and caught him in his mouth, crushing down on the Decepticon with his mighty teeth.

Megatron wailed as the left third of his body was severed but despite the pain he still maintained the presence of mind to unleash several mighty blasts from his arm cannon. At point blank range these shots ripped through the soft inside of the lizard’s mouth. Godzilla dropped Megatron but in his damaged state he was able to do little more than roll over and continue firing.

These shots impacted on Godzilla’s skin but did little damage. The fight ended with Godzilla stunning Megatron with a series of foot stomps and then grabbing him and ripping his head off with his teeth.

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