Issue 42: Various and Sundry
By The Dude

Happy All Saints Eve

Halloween is awesome. It is a time of the year that one of my nerd traits is equalized by society. I loved, okay love, dressing up into alter egos. I do not just mean comic book characters. I would dress up as Mr. T, Vanilla Ice, Condor Man, Ninja, Caveman, Guitar Guy, and anybody else for whom I could put a hodge podge of an outfit together. This would all be on your average afternoon, and have nothing to do with Halloween.

Then that great and glorious time of the year would come when the world would dress up with me. I started smelling candy, pumpkins and Charlie Brown shows in August. My mom would take me to the fabric store with her, and I would pick out the pattern for almost whatever costume I wanted.

I was never allowed to be a ninja. They are evil men of no moral or ethical boundaries, according to my dad, but I could be a Samurai. They have morals and ethics when they kill people I guess.

I had the big three that I almost always picked. Zorro. The Lone Ranger. Dracula. My mom made the sweetest Lone Ranger outfit. It had details like real cowboy stitching on the shirt, and the mask tied. None of that cheap elastic crap on my mask. The inside of my Dracula cap was lined with red material. She always went the extra mile to make the outfit seem real, which meant a lot back then, because you could not just go to Target and get a real Aragorn outfit with all the accessories. You had to make your outfits. Target was where you would go for candy.

As an adult I moved on to more adult attire at Halloween. You know- The Crow, Merlin, and yes, my beloved ninjas. I kept up the tradition of realistic costumes. When I was The Crow I had long hair that I dyed black, and I pieced the costume together at thrift stores. I think the need to have an authentic outfit is what keeps me in the nerd category even at Halloween.

Now as a parent I have a new temptation toward realism in my costumes as well as a new temptation to dress up my unsuspecting child as a sidekick, a partner or an archenemy. This year he is going as a dragon, and I am thinking about going as a wizard or knight. I might even try to get my wife to be a princess. We almost bought him a Curious George outfit, which would have been more than enough excuse for me to be The Man in the Yellow Hat.

I want Lil’ Dude to be able to pick his own costumes and learn to love Halloween as much as I do. I just cannot help my need to go as Batman and Robin, Superman and Jimmy, or Kid Rock and his midget. I only have so many Halloweens before I die, and he will have his own son to torture one day, right?

Does this sound like a mom, a daughter and a wedding to anyone else?